Why do we need sex toys

Watching how the partner reaches orgasm with the help of a vibrator, the partner himself decided to use it for her additional stimulation.

Many people are suspicious of vibrators. However, the vibrators (of course, if to use them skillfully) provide the woman a much greater stimulation than a penis or fingers. Vibrators are needed primarily for women suffering from the so-called «automatic shutdown», when during sexual intercourse due to subconscious concern their thoughts suddenly turn from sex to completely foreign objects. Such women are able to get very excited and achieve, using the terminology of Masters and Johnson, «‎plateau phase». They seem to «go to the runway» from which they could «‎fly» to the heights of orgasmic ecstasy, but subconscious concern keeps them «on the ground». In most of these cases, to overcome nervousness and achieve orgasm, a woman needs only more intense stimulation. This is where the vibrator will help.

Case from practice

Pauline and her husband, Laurie, had a great relationship, they enjoyed having sex. But Pauline rarely experienced orgasm. In order not to upset her husband and not to awaken feelings of inferiority in him, she began to simulate an orgasm. On the one hand, pretending Pauline was supported in Lori's confidence in their sexual opportunities, but in Pauline was a growing sense of dissatisfaction.

Pauline is 28 years old. Physical therapist, married.

Pauline appeared in a bold, low-cut blouse and looked very cheerful. She and Laurie were married for 3 years, they had no children. In matters of sex, the couple were quite frank with each other.

Laurie and I make love a lot. He makes me feel like a real woman. But I experienced an orgasm a couple of times and it was very weak. Lori buys sex manuals, we read them together. According to these books, I learned to masturbate, and some tidbits of stories in them are extremely exciting. During masturbation I get pleasure, but still do not reach orgasm. Laurie understands and wants to help me. He's trying his best. He hasn't had anyone but me since we were together. And once he helped me to bed with a woman I liked. He invited her friend to go out for a drink so we could be alone. It was amazing. Then we made love together again and again. But even then I did not have an orgasm. Laurie and I are very gentle and affectionate with each other. Sometimes I feel like I'm close to orgasm, but then all of a sudden, a part of me just sort of shuts down. It's hard for me to relax because Laurie's looking at me. I'm afraid he'll get tired of it eventually and we'll part. I love Laurie very much and I don't want to lose him. I must admit that sometimes I imitate an orgasm, maybe once in 4-5 sexual acts. I don't want him to feel untenable – it's very important to him. When Laurie reaches orgasm, I see the pleasure he gets, and then he's so gentle with me! I also get pleasure, although I do not reach orgasm. But that's not enough for me lately.

Sex therapist advice

Pauline's problem is quite typical. It bothered her that Laurie was watching her, which meant she was worried about the impression she made. But if all you think about is how you look from the outside, what other feelings are you talking about? Pauline should stop thinking about Laurie and focus on her own feelings. In situations such as the one in which Pauline found herself, the imitation of orgasm is justified. However, abusing this, you not only deprive yourself of the opportunity to experience orgasm, but also create a false idea to the partner, in what way he can lead you to it.

And indeed, assuming that some model of behavior suits you, he will certainly constantly use it and thus only exacerbate the problem. The only sure way for you is to have the courage to admit to your partner that everything is not as good as it seems to him, and ask him to be patient, to try other ways of stimulation. And here you will need a vibrator, because sometimes to achieve orgasm requires only a longer and more intense stimulation.

However, to talk about it with a partner and convince him to use a vibrator is sometimes difficult. I recommended Pauline for a month to engage in a program of self-satisfaction, towards the end — with the use of a vibrator. The self-confidence education program helped her build up the courage to talk to Laurie about using a vibrator during sexual intercourse. The use of a vibrator and the acquired ability to focus on erotic fantasies helped Pauline overcome difficulties and learn to reach orgasm.

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